Doctor’s Orders: A Prescription for Self Pleasure

Posted by on May 25, 2019 in Your Sexy Self

Doctor’s Orders: A Prescription for Self Pleasure

I’m a late-bloomer masturbator (I hope you can appreciate how much sexual shame I’ve had to work through to write that sentence).

And I have my sexy doctor to thank for it.

I’m 53. I eat an ridiculous amount of vegetables; don’t take any medications; and made it through menopause without hurting anyone so I really don’t need an annual exam with an OB/GYN.

But I go anyway.

Because my doctor oozes vitality; has a kick ass blond pixie…

…and gives me prescriptions like this:

Sex.  Three times a week. With your husband or a dildo.  Orgasms recommended to encourage increased blood flow to cervix, clitoris and g-spot.

My man is gone paddling whitewater or working in the field as a wildlife biologist for weeks, sometimes months, at a time.  My sexy doctor helped me realize that I couldn’t depend on our lovemaking for my only source of sexual pleasure and stimulation. 

C.C. Havens and her husband embracing

Now that I’m in in my 50’s,  she said I had to use it or lose it to the common midlife complaints of painful intercourse, vaginal dryness and lack of libido (talk about a string of unsexy words). They were conditions I’d had glimpses of and didn’t want a closer look.

I’m a healing arts practitioner and an erotica writer.  I’m all about sensuality and health of Body, Mind and Spirit. How was it possible that I had neglected to integrate my sex into that trilogy? Especially since it’s hard wired into all three.

Well I’m not neglecting it anymore.

I dusted off my vibrator, replaced the batteries, ordered a second one for the cabin, and started treating self pleasuring like a practice much like yoga and meditation. 

Self pleasuring toys

I lift weights three times a week (another prescription from my sexy doctor) to keep my bones and muscles strong.  It makes total sense to masturbate three times a week to keep my sex fit.

My Inner Catholic Girls, two of them anyway, were totally resistant. They grew up with the admonishment: don’t touch yourself down there.

And I get it, you can’t have your child touching their genitals in kindergarten. But there needs to be a retraction of that rule somewhere around fifteen years of age because our sensuality and or capacity for sensual pleasure are something to be treasured not condemned.

C.C. Havens nature Inspired Sensuality

It never occurred to me as I got older to revisit that old line of thinking but  the word masturbation isn’t exactly enticing. It’s loaded with sin, shame, guilt and furtiveness.

I didn’t even own a vibrator until my husband bought me one when I was 37 to ease the challenge of our new, long- distance relationship. But nothing could compare to him, us, and that heady combination of  passion, skin and sexual transcendence, so I didn’t use it much.

But I do now.  Ever since my sexy doctor prescribed it. 

She gave me permission. And now I am giving that permission to you.

I  bumped into all sorts of resistance at first: finding the time; feeling awkward; not being in the mood. But I persisted and I’m blossoming now, sensually, in a way I’d never dreamed I’d be in my fifties. I’ve been amazed by the self-empowerment and confidence that comes with all those self-induced orgasms. I have a deeper intimacy with the subtly sensitivities of my sex.  Those hints of dryness and painful intercourse are gone. 

C.C. Havens


Forgive me, but I can’t resist this related, sexy tangent: In 2013 I wrote a skit for me and my husband to perform on a group Grand Canyon trip.

My man played the part of a Mormon pastor and read lines from a real-life document of the Mormon church entitled: A Guide To Self Control: Overcoming Masturbation. It is directed towards adolescent boys and actually suggests that when the temptation to masturbate is strong,  they should yell No! as loudly as they can in their mind. So a big part of his script was explaining various techniques, like tying one hand to the bedframe with a tie (seriously, it suggests that), and yelling the word No! 

C.C. Havens husband in the Grand Canyon

My man in the Grand Canyon. Not exactly Mormon preacher mode but it does look like he’s saying NO!

I, on the other hand,  played Margot Anand, the French author of  the book, the Art of Sexual Ecstasy.  My part of the script encouraged the audience to change the way they think about their sex organs and learn to love and pleasure themselves without guilt. I invite them to explore the transcendent art of self pleasuring.

By the end of the skit, my husband was circling the beach campfire in front of our river crew shouting No! No! No!  I stood still in the firelight and ran a hand over the curves of my breasts and hips and purred Yes! Yes! Yes!

And now here I am six years later blogging like this to you. Yet another reminder that I better be careful what I write because it has a tendency to manifest.

So how do you move from shame and resistance to fully embracing your capacity for sensuous self- pleasure?  I’ll tell you everything I’ve figured out in my next post. (To make sure you don’t miss it, sign up to have Blog Me Sexy delivered to your inbox once a month. Scroll up and look right for the form.)

Until then here’s an article on masturbation

If you need a vibrator, be prepared, there’s pages of options on Amazon. I’ve tried a few and like this simple, inexpensive model best so far.

P.S. Synchronicity is so sexy.  While drafting this post, the latest Playboy arrived.  I opened it up and turned right to an article about the growing popularity of  dildo boutiques for women  in Japan. And then my sister called to inform me that she’d just sent me a memoir that she thought I might like. The author? Margot Anand:

Book cover with image of a couple embracing

Sexy Conversation Starter: What is your history with masturbation? Does the very word make you cringe? Are you comfortable with it? Embarassed? Shameful? Believe me, writing and sharing your story helps change it. I’d love to hear from you in the comments.


  1. What a wonderful sharing!! Thank YOU!! Your blog is such a gift to me!!!! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

    • Your comments are a gift back. Thanks for dropping in, Judith.

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