Sexy Switch

Posted by on Sep 11, 2015 in Your Sexy Self

Sexy Switch

What turns you on?  What turns you off? No doubt, these are great sexy questions to ponder.

I recently watched a TED talk by sex therapist and bestselling author Esther Perel about the complexities of sustaining passion in long term relationships.  It’s packed with great information but what jumped out at me was her twist on the above questions.  Instead, Perel asks:

How do you turn yourself on?  How do you turn yourself off?

Brava Esther! Way to encourage us to find our sexy switch and reclaim responsibility for our sensual selves.

Of course I started making a list as soon as the video ended and I encourage you to do the same.  It’s been enlightening and empowering as hell.

This blog aims to blow the lid off the definition of sexy. So I invite you to expand your thinking beyond a purely sexual context.  How do you turn yourself on to life? Because that energy is ultimately sexy.

I’ll share a few things from my list to get you started:

How I turn myself on:

Doing yoga with the river


shopping for lingerie; wearing that new lingerie while I’m making coffee in bed for me and my man; backcountry skiing; time alone at my cabin; writing erotica; studying craniosacral therapy; and dancing wildly to live music with my man.


How I turn myself off: Over exercising, over working, over eating, over socializing.

I find it fascinating that some of the ways that I turn myself on, if done in excess, have the effect of turning myself off.  Moderation has never been my forte. It feels like I’m putting a lid on my passionate fire but now I can see how my manic tendencies are actually the ones smothering my sensuality.

What about you? How do you turn yourself on? How do you turn yourself off? I really want to know. Tell me in the comments.

Sexy Links:

Esther Perel’s website


  1. Amazing post…thanks for the inspiration!

  2. What turns me on??
    Movement! Dance, bike, ski, yoga, the female swagger you confidently adopt when you have just bought a new pair of fancy pants!
    Female Swagger
    You know, when you just shot 6 arrows into the bullseye in an archery competition, and you swagger up to the target and reclaim your tools. Walking back, you swing your hair behind you (let the wind take it), carry a little hint of a smirk on your face, eyes bright and shining, all knowing…sexy. You can do this in a bar with darts. Same thing.
    Or maybe when you’re on the dance floor. Do you dance as though your feet are glued to the floor and you have one, limiting up and down movement?? Hell no! You swagger. A soft kick here, a coordinated hip out, arm up. A rhythmic spin, twist, circling of your shoulders, your chest, belly. It’s all you, darlin’! But don’t shake it too hard…slowly, seductively, mindfully. We’re in no hurry here. Even if you are grooving to a pumpy Bluegrass band. Take it down a notch.
    Own your ass. Big, small, flat, round, high…this is our place of physical power! Relax, don’t be stiff…right foot forward, ass to the right. Left foot forward, ass to the left. You get it. Slowly now, strong. Swagger. Use it.
    Sexiness is not always about sex, or the conquest of a desired prize. It’s about your soul. If you know how to turn yourself on, take that and fill your spirit with it. Then let it flow into your body. That’s it….purposeful.
    So, today….right now! leave your computer or phone, walk to the front door, the office, the kitchen…and use that female swagger. Just try it! Arms back, head just a touch up, gaze straight ahead. Eyes smiling. Don’t stop! Gosh, that feels so good!!

    • Trixie you are hired. When do you want to start? Blogging. Book publication. Marketing. Inspiring sensuality. You are a natural…

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