Relationship Sexy

Cafe Au Laid

Posted by on Oct 21, 2013

Sexy Ritual. I love the way those two words go together and the idea of using simple ceremony or tradition as a means of engaging more sensually with life. The first morning my man and I woke up together, he brought me a cup of coffee in bed. This, of course, was grounds for marriage. I was so touched that I drank it which was totally reckless since I get wired off a cup of decaffeinated green tea. Let’s just say I found a way to channel the buzz and eleven years later Coffee In Bed is still one of our favorite rituals. I encourage you to try it whether you are single or in a relationship because either way, there is something completely decadent and sensuous about crawling back into bed with your morning coffee or tea.  Besides, testosterone levels are highest in the morning and why let that bit of biochemistry go to waste? A few suggestions: If you are flying solo: Allow this to be a potent self love ritual. Savor every sip. Drape your sexy self in some lingerie. Massage lotion into your skin. Indulge in some great reading material (like the Blog Me Sexy archives). Fantasize. If you are with a lover:  Forego the sexy underwear and sip naked. Entangle your legs. Light candles. Be sure and keep your conversations focused on sensual things.  Share your dreams from the night before, especially sex dreams.  Read erotica or this blog to each other. Talk about what you are going to have for breakfast…just don’t talk about work, bills or life issues. And between sips, press your warms lips together and let those coffee-flavored tongues dance.   Sexy Prod:  I met a couple a few years ago that had a ritual of sharing a bottle of champagne each month on the full moon.  What about you?  Any sexy rituals to...

Read More

Cup of Josephine

Posted by on Jul 3, 2013

I have a guest blogger this week. In this post, Herman gets off on a cup of coffee… Recently  I found myself in Roseburg, Oregon while away on work.  With its streets lined with chain stores and more than a few seedy characters, I found Roseburg to be an uninspiring, somewhat sketchy town. That is, until I stopped at one of the hundreds of coffee stands there. Expecting to drive up and order my normal americano, imagine my surprise when this beauty greeted me at the window: Judging by the smile on her face, I think she enjoyed my surprise and inability to make a coherent sentence. I’ve been away from home almost two months now, so admittedly it doesn’t take much to arouse my desires.  After the few minutes it took to get my coffee, the longing to reunite with my wife was heightened exponentially. I was curious about the coffee shop, so when I got back to my room, the first thing I did (OK maybe not the first thing) was look up Bouncin’ Betty’s Coffee Company.  I found a YouTube video from a local news segment that revealed a controversy about these bikini baristas. Some people thought it was fun, while other’s comments ranged from: “I find it extremely disgusting, and I’m sure I’m not the only wife and mother that feel this way,” to: “I mean, it has it’s place, but not in a coffee shop.”   I wonder what she meant by ‘it’. Bikini baristas have their place? Beautiful women have their place? Personally, I think a coffee stand is a great place for a beautiful bikini barista.  True, the coffee shop is making more money now that they hired bikini baristas, but does that mean they’re exploiting women?  Is it a bad thing to get sexually aroused while buying coffee? There’s an old saying that I think could apply here: “It doesn’t matter where you get your appetite, as long as you go home to eat.” What do you think? Is this just another capitalistic exploitation of women, or a fun sexy way to get your cup of...

Read More

Eros On Vacation

Posted by on Jun 13, 2013

Want hot sex with your partner? Take separate vacations. The word on the streets is that Eros needs a little space. I shared a link in a recent post to a New York Times article by Daniel Bergner about female sexual desire and the search for a drug to stimulate it. In that article, Esther Perel, a couples therapist and author of “Mating in Captivity,” writes: “Many couples confuse love with merging. This mix-up is a bad omen for sex. To sustain élan toward the other, there must be a synapse to cross. Eroticism requires distance.” Daniel Bergner popped up again in Salon Magazine where he was interviewed about his recently published book, “What Do Women Want? Adventure in the Science of Female Desire.” (You have got to love a man who dedicates his research to women’s sexuality.) In the interview Bergner is asked if there are any lessons in his research for couples attempting long-term monogamous partnerships.  He states: “I think there’s real wisdom in what I discuss in the book, which is finding ways to, not only acknowledge, but reinstall the kind of distance in relationships. Our culture has somehow absorbed, or idealized, the merging, the “you complete me” line from “Jerry Maguire.” The idea of unconditional love within couples. And I think we’ve probably way overdone that. I do think that candor and caring are important and then signing up to welcome distance back into relationships might well be the root to maintaining passion.” So true! This winter my man and I were consumed with building two businesses. We completed each other’s chores. But now I haven’t seen or touched him since April 30.  And I have nine days (five hours, thirteen minutes) until I do. I’m fascinated by how our time apart weaves us more passionately together. I feel like the clock has been turned back to when this whole erotic memoir journey started, to the first spring of our marriage when he left me for six weeks for his annual pilgrimage to Northern California to teach whitewater kayaking.  I started writing erotic essays to channel all my sexual energy and longing. And last week, eight years later, I wrote a new one. Sexy Tip:  If you are in a relationship, plan a sexy solo adventure.  Sexy Link:  Daniel Bergner’s...

Read More

Spring Meltdown

Posted by on Jun 5, 2013

Me. Alone. At the cabin. It’s become a spring ritual. Last year I had a spring run off.  This year I’m having a spring meltdown. I’m not having one of those emotional meltdowns where I feel like I’m losing it and desperately dialing sisters and girlfriends for insight.  (I got that out of the way this winter.) Quite the contrary. This spring I’m melting myself down like the white gold of my first wedding ring. (One man for the rest of my life?  No problem.  One ring?  No way.) I’m heating myself up here… …and as I sit in our wood-fired hot tub and watch the snowy peaks morph into rivers, I too am softening and tapping into flow. I’m ready, like molten gold, for a new design. Watch for it. Sexy  prods:  Share your wedding/commitment ring stories.  I have a few of them so I’ll go first.  I sold an engagement ring that never worked and that same afternoon used the money to buy my sage-green lingerie wedding dress.  Great redesign. Or Any redesign going on in your life? Home, career, relationship?  Do...

Read More


Posted by on Mar 13, 2013

I found a sexy file. I was rushing out the door to rendezvous with my man at our cabin when he called and asked me to grab some tax documents. When I found the file he wanted in the cabinet, I partially snagged the file behind it as well and its contents slide out all over the office floor. Annoyed, I reached down to shove all the papers back together and noticed the name on the tab . It was my mine and it was written in my man’s script. I looked down at the top sheet of paper and saw the words Act One on the heading.  It was the first page of a play I wrote for him for Christmas a few years ago. A role play. I was the melancholy erotic dancer who wrapped my legs and longing around a stripper pole (I improvised with the log beam under the loft). He was the lonely graduate student who had been dragged to the strip club by his office buddies.  That was the year we almost burned the turkey. Lying askew at the bottom of Act One was an unlabled, lumpy, legal-sized envelope.  I picked it up, intrigued by it’s heft and bulk and just about had an orgasm when I realized what it was. My magnetic poetry set.  The erotic version.  It’s been MIA. Oh the sexy prose we composed!  But we had to dismantle our refrigerator smut when his family came for a visit. I ripped open the envelope and let a few words fall in my hand.  I couldn’t help myself and started pushing them around on the carpet. We just got a new white refrigerator at the cabin. It’s about to get dirty. Sexy Link: Everyone should have...

Read More