Redefining Sexy

Sexy Magazine

Posted by on Apr 30, 2018

I was at Esalen for a writer’s conference a few years ago and saw Pam Houston, one of my favorite writers, walking through the organic gardens wearing a Bad Feminist T-shirt. I loved her even more.  For years I’ve felt like a Bad Feminist because I really love this magazine:   My husband ordered it years ago to, “you know,  help us have a sexy marriage”.  I have to admit, my Try To Be A Good Feminist’s feathers got ruffled for about ten seconds before I realized he was walking my talk. I summoned Ms. Blog Me Sexy to keep step and suggested that we refrain from ripping off the privacy cover until we could enjoy it together with coffee in bed. Nice try. Neither one of us could  ever get home from the post office without taking a peek. If I was a Better Feminist, I would rally against the objectification of women and the projection of unrealistic standards of beauty. And I get that line of thinking, I really do. But it isn’t my experience. I think the naked female form is one of the most beautiful works of art on this planet.   And I know from my own forays into erotic photos shoots, what an amazing experience it is to feel so comfortable in your own skin that you no longer want to cover it. So I imagine that the women posing for Playboy are empowered as hell and I can’t help but applaud that they are leveraging the gift of their youthful sensual beauty. So if I’ve convinced you to to subscribe to Playboy, remember this: Do not compare yourself to the Playmates and find yourself lacking.  Just don’t do it. Youthful feminine beauty is just one kind of beauty.  It is not the only kind.   And remember this as well: sexiness is so much more than physical beauty. (Need proof? Check out this post) Now that I am in my 50’s, I’ve been surprised by the sexiness here and find myself constantly redefining my sexuality. I draw inspiration from the women in Playboy, but I also look to my sexy mentors, women in their 60’s and 70’s who astound me with their radiance, confidence and sensuality. This month, Playboy seems to be redefining itself as well.  Their tagline Entertainment for Men has changed to Entertainment For All. Along with the photo shoot for the Playmate of the Year, there is a sensuous photo of Jane Seymour; an article on Rethinking The Female Orgasm; and an interview with Cecile Richards, the president of Planned Parenthood. In the Dear Playboy section, in response to one reader’s criticism that ‘Playboy needs to decide whether it wants to be a magazine of third –wave feminism or erotica for men’, Playboy responded: We respectfully disagree with your assumption that contemporary feminism and erotica for men are mutually exclusive. Nice. Maybe I’m Not Such A Bad Feminist afterall. *** Sexy links: Subscribe to Playboy here. Pam Houston’s T-shirt was a nod to Roxane Gay’s essay collection, Bad Feminist. Sexy converstaion starter: What magazines, music, books or movies inspire your sensual self.  Please share in the comments.  I’m always looking for new...

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Sexy Shoes

Posted by on Apr 18, 2016

I aspire to constantly expand and improve upon the definition of sexy in this blog. That being said, if you were to ask me two weeks ago to show you my sexiest pair of shows I would have pulled out these black strappy beauties: Because these snowshoes up the ecstasy quotient in my life several times a week. When the snow is wind scoured or frozen and not good for skiing, they enable me to pack into my cabin. After I drop off my pack, I feel like I’m floating above the earth, which I am, as I stomp around the moonlike surface of our property under six feet of frozen snow. But as sexy as they are, they aren’t going to get me up on stage in Seattle for my book launch this weekend. And since I’ve had issues with that in the past, I decided, with some convincing from my sexy mentor (thank God for her), that it was time to invest in a pair of sexy shoes. Omigod. I had no idea. Women’s shoes are so damn sexy. I went a little crazy with the free shipping and returns at Zappos and Nordstrom’s and had four or five boxes come and go in the last week. I felt like Goldilocks. Too big. Too small. This pair was almost just right. They were sexy as hell with my sheer black dress but not so great with the manifest dress or the corral and sage lace pieces. And then I found these Freebirds, on sale, in downtown Steamboat. They fit like a pair of kid gloves, match my sexy cape and have Colorado Nature-Inspired Erotica Writer written all over them don’t you think? Looks like I’ll be wearing leather with my...

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Sexy Beside Me

Posted by on Jan 8, 2016

I sat beside a woman for ten days who inspired me to work harder than I ever have. We never spoke a word. I didn’t know her name. I couldn’t really tell what she looked like since all eighty of us in the meditation hall were bundled up due to the unseasonably cold weather. She draped colorful scarves over her head and wrapped them around her neck like a Madonna.  I was tucked into the hood of my ankle- length sweater like a monk. We accidently made eye contact a few times in the dining hall, but both of us quickly looked away.  We were observing Noble Silence which started on the first night of this ten-day Vipassana meditation course when we were lead individually into the meditation hall and shown our place to sit. By chance and good fortune, I was seated next to her. The first few days, while I wriggled around on my cushion like a puppy during the hour-long meditations, she sat beside me barely moving at all.  Before each session, I’d fumble around to get my two fleece pillows placed just so under my knees thinking that if I got them perfectly positioned I wouldn’t have so much pain in my right leg. She knew better, that the pain was just a part of the purification process. She’d take two seconds to fluff the buckwheat cushions under her knees, rest her hands on her thighs and begin. As the course progressed, I felt our silent compassion for each other as the physical pain reverted to its orignal form and flushed out of us through quiet sobs and tears. On Day Four, we both floated out of the meditation hall, elated, when after 3 1/2 days of focusing solely on the sensation of the breath at the nostrils, we were taught the Vipassana technique of directing that intense focus throughout the body which was one of the most profound experiences of my life. She smelled faintly of Ivory soap. But what really made her so Sexy Beside Me was this:  before each meditation, she exhaled long and slow through her mouth making a sound that indicated that she was going in, a sound that conveyed both surrender and resolve, a sound I grew to love and depend on for inspiration,  a sound that was so beautifully feminine and so fabulously determined. Turns out she had wild, curly dark hair under those scarves and eyes as bright as the stars on a new moon night. Her name was...

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Sexy Extremes

Posted by on Dec 20, 2015

One weekend: I’m at a Girls’ Night Out with a group of river sisters I received like a dowry when I married my raft guide. We drink margaritas.  We eat enchiladas. We laugh. We touch.  We express every thought that lands on our lips. We dress up and dance for three hours straight to a funk band at the Belly Up in downtown Aspen.   Wild feminine energy freely expressed. Super sexy. The next weekend: I’m at a ten-day silent Vipassana meditation course. I am living in community with forty women I’ve never met. We don’t talk, gesture, touch or make eye contact as we observe Noble Silence. As requested, we dress modestly and skip the makeup and jewelry. Dinner and drinks here equates to a piece of fruit and some herbal tea or lemon water so we are practically fasting from noon to 6:30 am to further support this purification process we are all going through. We sit as still as we can in meditation for ten to twelve hours a day. We are asked not to hike beyond the course boundary. Wild feminine energy consciously contained. Super sexy. Done anything extreme lately?  Tell me about it in the...

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So Defined

Posted by on Jul 12, 2013

One of the purposes of this blog is to blow the lid off the definition of sexy. This post is the first of a new series to do just that. Defining Sexy #1: Sexy: (adj.) used to describe someone who has mastered a skill which you aspire to be good at but are hopelessly not. For me, today, that skill would be: splitting firewood. I find it is so incredibly hot the way my man swings an ax and slices through a huge pine log like it was a stick of butter.  When I try, all I get is a few dents in the top of the log. But I went out to the chopping block this morning more determined than ever because: I like to think of myself as a sexy mountain woman who can split her own firewood. I’ve been having lots of meltdowns and my woodpile is almost down to dirt. If I want to keep soaking, I really need to figure this out. I put on a sexy lumberjack ensemble: Daisy Dukes that are too worn and short to be worn anywhere but the cabin; a lace-trimmed tank top; hiking boots and leather gloves. I threw everything I had into that ax and all I got was a ‘thunk’.  I even closed my eyes and meditated on it, imagining the energy of my entire body transferring through the ax into the wood. Thunk. I decided it must be a leverage thing, given that my man is about six feet tall and I’m only five. So I went inside the cabin in search of my new boots, a gift from my friend Katherine who encourages my erotica writing yet calls me Little Peanut which is only fair since I call her Bugs.  I think she determined that I needed new pair of Come-Fuck-Me boots after reading this post. I’ve never worn the boots outside the cabin since they are designed for seducing not hiking, but I was eager to test my leverage theory. End result:  After about ten thunks I finally hacked one round in two. I didn’t get much wood split but I laughed a lot. Which brings me to Defining Sexy #2: Sexy- (adj.) used to describe someone who is willing to look ridiculous in order to get better at something they find sexy. Sexy Prod: What skill do you find so sexy that you are willing to look ridiculous trying to master it? Tell me about it in the comments. If you don’t have one, find something. Dropping the ego and learning something new is super...

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