My Inner Catholic Girl

My Inner Catholic Girl: Part Two

Posted by on May 16, 2018

In this blog I often refer to my Inner Catholic Girl. Turns out I have two of them. My Little Catholic Girl is seven, a towheaded little angel who follows the rules and makes straight A’s. She is kind and always stood up for the skinny girl with knobby knees that everyone teased~ a budding healing artist. In third grade, when she received the sacrament of Penance at her Catholic grade school, she had a hard time coming up with anything to confess. Forgive me father for I have sinned:  I didn’t make my bed this morning. My Teen Catholic Girl is another story. She’d need an hour in a confessional. She smokes pot before attending her Atlanta suburban public high school and consequently got her first and only F in her trigonometry class which, of course, was all the teacher’s fault (Mrs. Ramos did seem to hate us). She forges her mom’s signature on fake notes excusing her from school at 9 a.m. for a non existent dental appointment so she can spend the day lying in the sun with friends at Lake Lanier. She lies to her parents about everything, especially stealing their liquor and attending church on Sunday nights. On weekends she drinks 7-Up Slurpees spiked with Southern Comfort and waits for her boyfriend to build up the courage to slide into third. I don’t have a picture of her. She skipped out on yearbook photos all four years of high school and never had a graduation portrait done. My girlfriend who survived those years with me sent this one:   My Teen Catholic Girl has evolved into an erotica writer.  My Little Catholic Girl is so embarrassed by this that her freckled cheeks flush bright red. I thought I had worked through all this, but when my publisher went out of business, My Little Catholic Girl  didn’t waste any time shoving the box of unsold copies of my erotic memoir into the back of the closet. They say awareness is half the battle right? Fully integrating my two Inner Catholic Girls (and the healing artist and literary artist they have become) is the other half. Wish me luck. Sexy Conversation Starter:  Do you have a Little Catholic Girl (or an equivalent) who interferes with your Sensuous Self? Or a Rebellious Teen who has never really grown up? Please comment and let me know I’m not the only one wrestling with this...

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My Inner Catholic Girl: Part 1

Posted by on May 2, 2018

I’ve finally figured out that locking my Inner Catholic Girl into some dark, confessional-like corner of my psyche doesn’t work. She eventually finds her way out, rips the plug out of my laptop and hides the charging cord. So as I move forward with the re-publication of my erotic memoir, I’ve decided that this time I’m going to bring her along for the ride. Last weekend, I took her here. An abbey of  Benedictine Catholic nuns.  Holy women. Sisters.   The spiritual seeker in me has always been intrigued whenever I drove by and saw their sign in the no man’s land between Fort Collins, CO and Laramie, Wy.   Catholicism is a thread, albeit a neglected one, in my spiritual tapestry but ever since my father handed his prayer to Mother Mary to me like a baton right before he died three years ago, there has been a little spark there.   He was a salesman, my dad, a good one… …and he totally sold me when he said his prayer, that my great grandmother taught him when he was seven, had been the secret to the success of his life. My dad was a happy-go-lucky Irishman with an infectious, positive attitude who thoroughly enjoyed life. After his funeral, I started integrated his prayer into my early morning practices of meditation, yoga and Reiki as a way to stay connected to him and keep up the blessing he had recited every day for our family.  It’s become a powerful part of my art of being happy. So when I got the opportunity to go the the Abbey with my friend Jaqueline, who has known the Abess of St Walburga for most of her 24 years, I jumped on it. The erotica writer who prays to the Virgin Mary having a private audience with a nun. I’ve never pretended to be normal. We got to hang out with Sister Maria Michael for about 45 minutes. Besides being joyous, candid and smart, Sister Maria Michael was incredibly intuitive.  It was as if she knew why I was there.  She spoke about discernment and how to make good decisions based on your core beliefs and then commmitting to them fully (like I had just done in this post). She casually spoke of her conversations with her father who had died, opening the floor for me to share mine “The Irish in particular seem to have a developed sixth sense that makes those conversations possible.” And then she laughed.  “I have about 5 ¼ .” I’m Irish on both sides and a craniosacral therapist to boot.  I have lots of those kinds of conversations, so I think I’m about a 6 1/2. We asked her to speak of Mary.  Jaqueline’s mother and my father, who died a month apart, were both very devotional to her and had bequeathed the tendency to us. Sister Maria Michael’s face lit up.   “She’s powerful,” she said. She shared a vision she once had of Mary wearing this beautiful dress…with combat boots, demons scattering away from her brilliance as she marched by. And then from her robe she pulled out a small bracelet of wooden beads. “I just made this and was wondering who it was for,” she said as she leaned forward and handed it to me. It wasn’t a bracelet afterall but a mini rosary with ten wooden beads, a crystal bead and a small cross, just the right size for my little Inner Catholic Girl and just the right size for a woman who incorporates a Catholic prayer as about ¼ of her devotional time....

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